A few weeks ago, our 6 year old lost a tooth while Dave and I were out. The babysitter sent me a text to let me know, even though Cat asked her not to. I assumed she wanted to surprise us in the morning, but it turns out, the little bugger was setting a trap. A tooth fairy trap. A little girl on her bus, whom we will refer to as "Jerk Face," told her that her parents are actually taking the tooth and leaving money and that the tooth fairy doesn't actually exist. She decided that, if she didn't tell us about the tooth, she would know if Jerk Face was telling the truth because how could we leave money if we didn't know? She ran into our room in the morning to tell us about her tooth, but hadn't checked for money yet. As she's talking, we're realizing the tooth fairy hadn't come! I engaged her in more exciting tooth fairy stories while Dave snuck out and hid money in her pillow. Even with our best efforts, she still came to me asking, "mom...are you really the tooth fairy? Jerk Face told me so on the bus." I always knew that if they asked me point blank, I wouldn't lie. So, I told her the truth. It was quite sad. Her eyes filled with tears, even though she pretended to be ok with the news. I told her that she is now part of the tooth fairy magic and her job is to help other little kids keep believing. She's lost another tooth since and asked me if she could flush it down the toilet and then told me I owe her money for the lost tooth, so I think she's over it.
So, now we have 1 that doesn't believe in the tooth fairy and 2 that don't believe in any of it anymore. For a quick second I felt sad about them growing up. Then I realized how awesome this is going to be. I can delegate! No more finding creative hiding spaces for the freaking elf on the shelf! No more trying to find time to stuff Easter eggs with candy! My creative, less exhausted and more enthusiastic daughter can help with these things! By the time she has kids, she going to be so over this whole thing after helping me for so long, but I guess that's her problem.
All of this tooth fairy and Easter Bunny talk lately has gotten me thinking about how out of control holidays have gotten. Everything seems more complicated and more involved than they were when I was a kid. For instance, I had never heard of a Leprechaun bringing candy on St. Patrick's Day, but now I hear stories of kids waking to find glitter all around their house leading them to a treasure. Zeke actually told me on Valentine's Day that the Giant Heart would be coming to bringing him treats. What in the hell?! No! And my kids think that we will be celebrating their half birthdays! Stop the madness, people! If we don't stop this now, one day our Children will be telling tales of Uncle Sam riding in on a magic donkey to fill their top hats with treats to celebrate 4th of July. I am taking a pledge right now to be a mediocre parent - no more, no less. I will not let the better moms kill me slowly with peer pressure! I pledge to provide my kids with a reasonable amount of holiday magic while still allowing myself the ability to enjoy the holidays with a glass of wine and time to sit on the damn couch! No Leprechauns! No Giant Hearts! No Uncle Sam! Who's with me?!
The worst mom ever